Sometimes it’s best not to take anything I say too seriously. This is one of those times. Here’s a little tongue in cheek list of five things that annoy me when I’m out cycling. Some may seem reasonable, others are totally irrational, all get on my nerves to some extent. But remember, this is just a bit of fun… ;-)

1. Creaking bikes. If you’re chain is squealing or your pedals are squeaking, then don’t sit on my wheel. Actually don’t even ride near me. That rythmic “eeek, eeek, eeek” is spoiling my ride. All I want to hear is my own laboured breathing and the hum of my slick tyres whizzing across the blacktop as I crush another Strava segment.

2. Non matching kit. You wouldn’t leave the house without looking presentable (would you?) so take the time to make sure your kit matches before you head out too. I’m not talking full team kit here (that’s a whole other post) but the colourways of your jersey and bib shorts should at least go together. Extra points for matching them to your bike.

3. Tyre logos not aligned with the valve stem. It serves no real purpose except for maybe saving you a second or two when locating the valve, but it just looks right. It’s neat and cleans up the lines of your bike. Just do it. In fact, if you’re reading this and know your tyre logos aren’t aligned, stop now and go correct it. Like, NOW!

4. Phones on the stem or bars. Nothing ruins the fine looks of a road bike more than a big fat iPhone strapped to the bars. Even worse if there’s a Garmin AND a phone bolted to your cockpit. How much tech do you need to keep those pedals turning?

5. Headphone while riding. Can you not bear to be parted from your music for the entirety of your ride? Can you not just take in the sights and sounds around you instead? Can you not just keep all your senses aware to what’s happening around you? Can you not just be a little sociable on the group ride? Can you not hear that speeding 18-wheeler bearing down behind you? Hmmmm.

What would you add?